A huge amount of information passes through my head. Don't know why do you keep destroying the serenity of the information can be feed Cats panky, and maybe for the reason that don't know shit about the disease. I know a lot. Is certainly good, for the better. Generally this blog I have benefited - not the kind that I thought about when I was wiring the diary (I thought about the rest to her soul and head) and the other is more significant. Thanks to your blog I went out to wonderful in all respects, and beautiful in its unselfishness, understanding and openness person mura_koshka , which suddenly made me kind of "Padawan", removed all my misunderstandings and misconceptions about the treatment process, asked to share information with me of their friends who I have no doubt also very good people. Thank you to this man and, God forbid her health.

I read a huge number of diaries people not only in patients with Hodgkin's disease and lymphomas, but patients with the types of "cancers"... I Want to say one thing - these diaries are saturated with pain, and is endowed with the crushing force of which no other people. All different experience "incident": someone goes to, someone on the contrary begins an active life (to eat), someone dedicates his life to fighting the disease and only thinks about it, someone is trying to escape... Miles of words, actions, thoughts, life to the last drop... Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts - if all these people wrote books in the world would be ignorant if they lived in the same place where religion would be philosophy. When life turns into a treatment is no place for empty - thinking about "where is the rave", "someone to hang" what kind of car I bought... one gets the feeling that these people's lives acquired meaning. And the meaning of this life itself. Simple, right?

And yet, in almost every diary there is an entry about how people undergoing chemotherapy sick of people who talk about "alternative" treatment. Do so, confirm got. I also a few people, talked about the benefits of traditional medicine, veganism and raw food, climate change, exercise, meditation, etc. I, for instance, are not going anywhere where lymph nodes are and how to improve my vitals, if I stop eating meat, and are addicted to "travushka"... Well, not serious - cancer cells are not killed sunbathing and a diet of leaves of Mandrake. But for the advice - thank you, so not "still" - and it describes people with a positive side. Everyone has their own idea about the disease.

All this amount of information, which I received this week, nice has changed me. I began to think less about yourself and more about others, some sense of "kindness" has settled deep within me and struggles with other feelings, and apparently I fell into melancholy, internally asleep, but I sleep with a smile. I just do the "do not climb" Oncology - as I read them. I can't climb the fate of the souls of people, my brain refuses to read their stories - for them, not enough shelves.

As for me. The last two days I'm not doing anything, in the words of Winnie the Pooh - "Friday I'm completely free." The issue of disability postponed - due to delays in the clinic (ardent greetings zamglavvracha), I just don't have time to go through KEK and MSEK until the next course, so it was decided to postpone this issue until the next "statement". Today was a dermatologist (by the Way, my dermatologist is quite adequate doctor - he was already 70 years old, probably, is a very experienced specialist, more about it will tell "post about doctors", which I had been considering). So, he finally canceled the "hormonal", which I constantly wore for the past month and spent a "tidy sum", and prescribed non-hormonal remedy (which, incidentally, are not practical in any pharmacy). Psoriasis is not yet defeated, but a small battle he has won is good news. I want to quickly went red "vybralsya" spots (especially with hands). Yu sent a great t-shirt, original and high quality, I really liked it, need to wear.

I was "bursting" with prednisone, but gradually finished, so it will be better soon. With dose reduction (though soft) whining joints. And this morning, the "tied" at the knees so that I had to drink it a little "early" release.

"Settled" at my mom's. I do not want to return to his empty apartment. Nothing for me there and every thing reminds about 3 years of normal life. I went in, sat alone in an empty room, sad. Picked up a few chords on the guitar which didn't even lost system, while I spent one month in the hospital. Wanted to go to sleep, the morning not enough sleep to go to work, I wanted to buy a jar of beer and watch football... I Wanted to call the girl and invite her to dinner. Girl no, not the beer, the songs are not sung, fired from his job. Don't know if I can find the strength to live there again - I don't know. Like I want to be it - but so sad and hurt something...

Today did not know what to do. The body requires action (bad head to the feet rest does not). Went to chat with former colleagues, at the same time sold my old summer tires. Then, after walking around the TV and the laptop not finding a worthy occupation decided to finish the floor in my mother's apartment when she was doing repairs, half the skirting boards were old and wooden, - replaced them with new plastic with cable channels. Did most - but not all. I fumbled a long time, but the result exceeded expectations. "Smateria" with crooked nails, and the "wrong" places. Decided to nail nails to the floor - not the most effective method. When I finish the leftovers tomorrow and buy some plastic push-in dowels and will drill and nail directly to the wall. - At least some activity. Still seeing ex-girlfriend. Ago the exchanged drives returned to duty. What was it like? - Cold. "Hi", "Bye". I have never managed to part on normal, all the former either hate me, or think of a child-hysterical-woman, or "asshole". It seems this time it failed too. But I don't care anymore. I have a new life in which she is the meaning. Another "ecoblog" on the Internet. Small and large concerns of the sick person. Life treatment, philosophy in the soul, the unknown ahead. The main thing - not to spare himself. "Not to be a dick against yourself", as I read in some Oncology... Hope - they are important too.

It is not that bad. Be well.

Story by "Kevin O."

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